Child birth.
The squeezing of a large bowling ball like object out of a small receptacle known as my wifes vagina. And this is happening anytime soon. There will be much grunting, screaming, cursing, (At me) and at the end, i will have another son. My wife will sit, basking in the glory of her hard work, and i will love even more than ever.
Thing is, it cannot happen until tommorow, it has been decreed. She wants a home birth. She wants to scare our neighbours. Im half convinced that someone will hear the screaming and call the police, and theyll come and arrest me for putting her through such torture, and generally be a nasty man.
But more importantly, im on a sex ban.
Why, i hear you ask?
Because the introduction of sperm to my other halfs cervix could set off labour, and if she starts squeezing before tommorow, she will have to go to hospital. Also, i have been having no blow jobs, (This has a higher chance of sending her into labour) no hand jobs, because this will wind her up, and shes feeling rather... How can i say this.... Frustrated.
Lets say it like this: I have balls the size of melons, im constantly around a woman i find more attractive than ever before and want to leap on and rip the clothes off of on an hourly basis, and her tits seem to get bigger every time i see them. A difficult situation. So whats gonna happen?
Hopefully what i want tonight and tommorow morning! And yes, this is REALLY selfish, but i hope she doesnt go into labour for at least a week, so we can try through sexual manners to get her to go into labour!
The squeezing of a large bowling ball like object out of a small receptacle known as my wifes vagina. And this is happening anytime soon. There will be much grunting, screaming, cursing, (At me) and at the end, i will have another son. My wife will sit, basking in the glory of her hard work, and i will love even more than ever.
Thing is, it cannot happen until tommorow, it has been decreed. She wants a home birth. She wants to scare our neighbours. Im half convinced that someone will hear the screaming and call the police, and theyll come and arrest me for putting her through such torture, and generally be a nasty man.
But more importantly, im on a sex ban.
Why, i hear you ask?
Because the introduction of sperm to my other halfs cervix could set off labour, and if she starts squeezing before tommorow, she will have to go to hospital. Also, i have been having no blow jobs, (This has a higher chance of sending her into labour) no hand jobs, because this will wind her up, and shes feeling rather... How can i say this.... Frustrated.
Lets say it like this: I have balls the size of melons, im constantly around a woman i find more attractive than ever before and want to leap on and rip the clothes off of on an hourly basis, and her tits seem to get bigger every time i see them. A difficult situation. So whats gonna happen?
Hopefully what i want tonight and tommorow morning! And yes, this is REALLY selfish, but i hope she doesnt go into labour for at least a week, so we can try through sexual manners to get her to go into labour!
posted by Jundal at 8:15 am
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